01/04/2017, perspective.

i am strong.
i feel warm, happy, and fulfilled because i am giving my love to those around me.
i am caring for myself as i care for others.
i am reaching out and seeking perspective, comfort, and companionship at a time when i need them most(i am realizing again they were always right in front of me).
i am rebuilding my network of human connection, so that i may have a base of support in times of need.
i am healthy.
i acknowledge that i do not always have to be
okay on my own.

i am weak.
i feel cold, sad, and anxious because i don't think i know how to care for myself.
i am distracting myself-
i am not allowing myself to be alone because i am scared.
i am ignoring the loneliness growing inside my soul.
i am choosing to pay attention to others rather than pay attention to myself.
i am not facing my demons nor am i mending my wounds.
i am sick.
i am worried perhaps i will never be
okay on my own.

i surely can('t)

there's a lesson i forget when i am at my lowest low:
i can't do this alone. no, i can't do this alone.
i sink into the self-indulgent solace of slipping away,
which in the end is detrimental to the dawning of my day.
and so i sit in silent shade, alone and oft tormented
as my mind twists and turns itself into something disgusting and demented.
i sit submerged in pain and ponder all that i had lost
when i ran away to spare you all from burden- but at what cost?
i hope that then i'll find some sense and trust in what is true:
that no, i can't do this alone,

but i surely can with you.